3 Ways Your Cat Can Kill You

by Mel Dawn

By now everyone has watched Tiger King and has discovered that humans can be even more deadly than tigers. Everyone loves cats with their charming expressions, soft fur and playful antics, but did you know that your sweet domestic cat can kill you too? 

Cats have descended from a long line of ferocious wild cats. Here are just a few ways they can kill you.

1. You can die from cat scratch fever, also known as Bartonella henselae bacteria. Cat's claws contain a wide variety of bacteria. When you get scratched by a cat, the cut swells up. This is your body trying to fight off the infection. Normally, the cells do what they are supposed to and your cat scratch is healed up in a day or two. But sometimes more dangerous bacteria have been harboured by our cat's claws and the next thing you know, you are suffering from blood poisoning. Generally a trip to the doctor for antibiotics will clear this one up. Other than that, your immune system will fight off most types of bacteria that live on your cat's claws. 

2. About 3/4 of the world's population is already infected with toxoplasmosis. This bacteria lives harmlessly within cats and is found in their feces. Us human slaves clean cat's litter boxes. It can also be acquired from cat butts. If we humans do not wash our hands we can pass it into our bodies. Toxo can take up residence in our brains. Most of the time it maintains a happy balance in our bodies and nothing happens. Other times it can turn us into crazy cat loving old lady freaks. At its worst, our brains turn to mush and we go completely crazy and die. (Just kidding, LOL!) Toxoplasmosis is really only dangerous to people with compromised immune systems, and even then it's common enough that most people have built up immuity against it. 

3. The third way our cats can kill us is if they die first. Leaving us tortured humans behind, pining for our furry beloved. We get so lonely, that we can't handle it any more. Can life continue? Can we continue on without our beloved? I'm sure every cat owner has thought of this after Fluffy or Whitey has died. It can certainly be difficult to live on without our beloved furry beasts. The best solution for that is to adopt a cat from a rescue cat organization!

Disclaimer: This article is mainly written for humour and not to be taken seriously. But if you are concerned about the health of you or your cat, seek the advice of a doctor or veterinarian.